Thursday, July 31, 2008

Who's yo Daddy!

Need a slut today? Go out and find yourself a girl with daddy issues. They truely do make for great sexual times. You see girls with daddy issues are constantly seeking the approval and attention of men to fill in the gaps. And this need for attention is usually coupled by 1. dancing on bars 2. flashing their tits 3. triple kissing in public 4. going home with you.

Pick up line; "Did your father leave you at an early age?". If not move on to the next and the next. You are bound to find a girl in the bar who has divorced parents, her father neglected her, he was a womanizer, or he was a pump and dump dad. You can easily make your way into her good graces by listening to her plight-filled story of how he never hugged her or how he made her hide in the basement when he had his "business friends" over for conferences in the "board-room". Rub her back a little bit, sigh in disapproval, buy her a couple jagermeisters or lemon drops and tell her everything will be ok. Keep a tight lip, but if you do have to interject make sure she knows that you are a nice guy who would never treat women like her father has treated her.
From here on out she's all yours...You don't have to worry about leaving her alone while you and your boys rack up the pool table; she got over that the 2nd time daddy left her in the mall food court to talk to the college dropout working at footlocker. Have fun tonight, And tell 'em you'll call.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Nice Rack!

This is an ode to tits....I fucking love tits, Some succulent juicy melons you can put in your mee-outh and play with for a while. Cover 'em with some coco butter and bounce 'em around in your face; Grab two handfuls and squeeze, jiggle, and lick around 'em from bottom to top or from top to bottom even. I love big fat honker titties that you can grab a hold of and just go to town on. Watching them bounce up and down while she's riding your cock; feeling them rub on your leg while she sucks you off. Molesting the nipples with your tounge while she moans in heat and her juices start to flow. Playful bites and pinches on those nice pink little perkies....OOO thats the stuff.

Lets all go out and play with some boobies today.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Lovin' it Hard in the light of Day

Sex is a battlefield. And there is no better place to wage this war than in a public place...Like your own neighborhood. Have you ever woken up and said "I wanna do it on my neighbor's lawn today." Hell, he lets his dog crap all over your property's facade, so why not make a little nookie in the day light for the whole neighborhood to enjoy. In fact you should post fliers a couple of days before hand advertising this suburban love-in and tell the neighbors to invite family and friends out for the occassion. It'll be some good ole' family fun...You know fire up the BBQ, crack open your preferred beverage of choice, break out the slip and slide for the kids. While I'm stroking away, feel free to comment on my technique, make suggestions, or take a little something home for the wife to enjoy. Heck it'll give you a chance to have that birds and the bees conversation you've been meaning to have with your kids. We all like doin' it, why not make a public affair out of it? It's me, you, god and the neighbors...In the day-light.

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Happy Birthday America! Lets all take a moment to appreciate what makes this country great; Hot chicks, guns, baseball, bikinis, watermelon, g-strings, capitalism, internet porn, and big trucks.
Enjoy your birthday all you filthy fun-loving, grog-guzzlin', weed smokin', sex drivin' honkies.... And don't for get to pee off a boat, wave your flags high, drink some whiskey, explode things, and for pete-sake please be SAFE. GO USA!